Goldstein to Bush: Fuck You!

When I hear the words "Bush" and "Dick" in the same sentence, my interest piques in anticipation of another fuck film. However, lately, the "Bush" I hear mentioned is in reference to our president, and the "Dick" is either an adjective describing him or in reference to his scheming vice president, and the film is usually CNN footage of more dying Marines in Iraq, some of our most loyal porn consumers in America. This is a fuck film all right, only we, the voters in America, are the ones getting fucked.

We now know that Bush was intent on invading Iraq prior to the 9/11 attacks and that his interest was based solely on exacting retribution for Saddam Hussein's assassination attempt on his father during a visit Bush senior made to Kuwait in 1993. I guess the Clinton administration's missle attack on Iraqi Intelligence (an oxymoron) headquarters in response wasn't enough for Bush junior. No. He had to strong-arm his secretary of state into strong-arming the CIA into discarding non-supportive intelligence and providing only data supporting an invasion of Iraq. He then strong-armed the same secretary of state into going before the UN to proclaim Saddam Hussein as a destabilizing influence with weapons of mass destruction based on this Gerry-rigged data, even though years of Hans Blix and UN weapons inspections teams proved just the opposite. Face it: Hussein loved leading idiots to believe he had WMD because it gave him leverage with his own people and other leaders, which is why he kicked the UN inspections teams out -- they were about to expose him as a fraud. So you decide: Bush is either an idiot for believing that Hussein actually had the wherewithal to cleverly hide WMD from the UN and/or developing it in short-order after kicking them out in 1998, or he's a liar. You decide. Liar, or idiot? My money's on both.

Mind you, I hate ALL politicians. When I published the now bankrupt Screw Magazine, I made 1000 pins that proclaimed "POLITICIANS GIVE PROSTITUTES A BAD NAME." Whether it was hypocrite Bill Clinton (impeached) for trying to censor the Internet (ruled unconstitutional by the US Supreme Court) or banning Screw Magazine from military P.X.'s, I considered him a self-hating redneck oaf who fucked his fat mistress and used her gaping hole as a humidor in the White House. To my 12-count federal obscenity arrest in 1972 under Richard Milhouse Nixon (resigned in disgrace) and Att.General Mitchell (served jail time for his felonies), it took three years and almost two million dollars to finally be vindicated in Wichita, Kansas. The BTK killer was just one more manifestation of "The Goldstein Curse." I never really tangled with LBJ or Carter, largely because LBJ predated "The Curse" and Carter agreed to an interview in Hef's rag and admitted to lust (that's all I ask for, honesty). And Ronnie had too many Hollywood connections (there's a thin line between porn and mainstream). George Bush, on the other hand, deserves the full extent of The Goldstein Curse.

George W. Bush is an alcoholic and former coke user who has used his privileged family ties repeatedly to cover up a less-than-presidential past. In 2000 he lied about the details of a DUI arrest that occurred in 1976 when he said there was no court appearance and that he paid the fine on the spot (as if he were in some corrupt third-world country were constables arrest citizens to line their own pockets). As it turns out there was a court appearance. Why not just tell the truth? After all, he already admitted to driving while drunk. Because, he's not only a liar, he also an idiot.

Bush used family ties to use and abuse National Guard status to avoid going to Vietnam and has repeatedly obfuscated facts regarding his service. Upshot: he lies in his official autobiography about the time he spent flying for the Texas Air National Guard and why he wouldn't take a drug test in 1972 (he claims his Houston physician was not available, even though the Air Force requires its own physicians to administer physicals). He lied to get into the Air National Guard (bypassing a waiting list), he lied to take leaves-of-absence, he lied to avoid drug tests, he lied to get his officer's commission and lied to change assignments. With all of this lying, it would have been easier for him to go through OTS and pull strings for some non-combat strategic position in the war and project himself as a war-hero at a later date. But that would have required forethought, which he lacks. Again, he's not only a liar, but also an idiot.



I could go on about his deceit and probably will at a later date, but there are a couple of things that truly are disturbing to me about this administration. Usually the liars at that level of government are intelligent. Nixon is a prime example; Clinton is another. Their intelligence enables them to make up for this flaw with innovative domestic policy initiatives, creative hands-on relief efforts or generally good politicking. The scary thing about Bush is that not only is he a liar (to be expected), but he's also an idiot. He's taken arguably one of the most devastating and tragic actions of aggression performed on domestic soil and made it worse through his lies. If I were trying to create a perfect training ground for anti-American militant terrorists complete with real live US Marines targets, I couldn't have imagined a better one than the training ground that now exists for Al Qaeda in Iraq, thanks to Bush's revenge for the attempt on Poppy (who, by the way, is safe and sound and has been for the past decade).

The Bush administration has a reputation for silencing critics. From the celebrated (exposing undercover CIA agents -- classy!) to the trivial (removing Helen Thomas' right to the first question at press conferences because she asked a tough question) Bush is hell-bent on preventing anyone from finding out that he's a liar and an idiot. I ask you, as a Korean War vet, lover of democracy and especially of our Constitution and the first amendment, to call the White House (202-456-1414) and tell them you think that Bush's continued lying is killing porn-loving Marines in Iraq (over 6000 to date, but Bush lies and says it's only 1700); his idiocy is bolstering Al Qeada, that we need him to stop for the sake of humanity. If you are a patriot, but also a lover of humanity across this globe, call the White House today, tell 'em Al Goldstein sent you, and tell them you think Bush is a liar and an idiot who needs to bring our troops home. If that doesn't get you anywhere, just tell 'em Al said to Bush: Fuck you!