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I am now living in the fucking Hanoi Hilton in Brooklyn.  The 13th Floor of the VA with a view of the fucking Verrazano Bridge.  Imagine that! I used to be able to walk out of my Upper East Side townhouse next to Bill Fucking Cosby, stroll to the nearest 5 Star restaurant to gorge my bloated body with 8 course meals and fine wines… Now I am eating pablum, foods soft on the palate, foods for the toothless, tasteless slop seasoned with the essence of anus.

To all of your mindless, disease-ridden, pricks who are happy that I’m here, FUCCCCCK YOUU! Because you probably still jerk off in your mother’s house to “3-For-A-Dollar” cunt magazines (sticky from prior use!) while your mother scrubs the shit stains out your underwear!

My lawyer, Charles, visits me once in a while - he is one handsome Guinea Dego Greaseball Lawyer! I wish that he would just bend over and let me fuck him in the ass, just once! He brings me the NY Times (they don’t sell it in Brooklyn…can you fucking imagine how stupid people are here!). He brings me news from the outside world, beyond the 5 foot concrete wwalls of the Psych Ward. 

I asked him if he would reach out to Linnea Quigley…I crave eating her delicious cunt! I seriously would eat a mile of her shit just to get to her asshole! Does anyone know where she is? If you do, ask her if she would be interested in having me pay her rent for a room (up to $500) and I would clean her bidet every day - I woudl lick it clean with my tongue every morning after her daily douche.  Seriously! Find her and tell her that I have the money to pay her rent and I would live with her in Florida until she gets sick of me.  She remembers how I ate her pussy and I am sure that I will tickle that part of her brain, the peedunkle of passion, to evoke a positive Pavlovian response!

I am going to be looking for a room to rent - nothing fancy, nothing too large.  Just enough for me and my computer, my HDTV, my magazines to jerk off over.  (I still don’t know how to find free porn - imagine that! I was the Henry Ford of fucking porn and I can’t find a free website to wank my shvantz!)

How would one of you degenerates like to have me, Al Goldstein, as your “house boy?”  You can walk me around your neighborhood with a dog leash and I will keep you amused.  If so, please reach out to my lawyer, Charles DeStefano.  I would prefer being in a neighborhood with old fraus (e.g., Brighton Beach with old jewish cunts) but it would be a step up from that shit hole in Ozone Park.  I would play mah jong all day and eat their decrepit cunts after we grow tired of flipping over the mah jong pieces. 

If you want to visit me in the Psych Ward,  feel free to do so by opening your apartment window, stick your fucking ass out the window and then scream ” I wanted George Bush for President for 4 more years! Change the fucking Constitution!”  or perhaps smear feces all over your face, walk into your local police precinct and ask the desk sargeant for a blow job!  Be creative! and hopefully I will see you here soon!

LOVE you fucking pricks!

FUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK YOUOOOOOOO!

AL

The VA is nothing like the loony bin in Cuckoo’s Nest. In fact, it is not as exciting as JP McMurphy’ s fictional hospital.  At least in Cuckoo’s Nest they got to drink booze, eat pussy, bang hookers, go fishing in a stolen boat, and get an occasional electric shock treatment.

This place is happy.  This fucking place is like the fucking Marriot Hotel…no! it is more like a Hilton.  The rooms are spotless, so clean that you could lick the floors (and considering all of the dirty cunts that I ate out, that’s not saying much!)

Fortunately I get to write this blog from a contraband computer.  I can’t tell you how, who, why, or what, but believe me it was not easy secreting a fucking computer up my ass to write this blog. 

I suppose you are feeling sorry for me! Well go fuck yourselves! Here is can have peace of mind..read…watch CNN…talk with other sedated people just like me.  I miss my pastrami, my porno, jerking off without being watched on a surveillance camera.  Other than that, I am waiting to get out of here and saving my annual cum load for Laura Bush’s face. 

Can you imagine that Laura Bush sucks George’s pimpled cock…riddled with syphillis, gonnorhea, and scurvy? Poor woman… When Bush is out of office and chopping wood on his fucking ranch, i would like to pay them a visit to eat her pussy.  I want ot lay wood while he is chopping wood.

Nice fucking work George! A fucking war in which we lost thousands of young and healthy members of our armed forces, hundreds of thousands injured mentally and physically, thousands displaced… and his fucking buddies are raking in the bucks at Blackwater and Haliburton. 

Maybe if the fucking shoe landed it would have woken that numbskull up!

By the way, were those shoes Bruno Maglie loafers? I think that it was fucking OJ who lent that crazy Iraqi a pair of OJ’s shoes ! We might as well blame OJ for that (and global warming).

Anyway I will be at the VA in Brooklyn starting tommorrow.  If you know of any dirty douchebags who need to have their holes cleaned, send them to the Psych Ward, Bathroom “B,” last stall on the right.  I think that something other than Xanax and Valium might make me feel better!

 

FUC-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-K YOU!

LOVE…

AL

To all of you fucking assholes who thought I was dead: ‘F-U-U-U-C-K YOU!” It’s me, live in the flesh (albeit less flesh on my former svelt frame).  What happend was I have been a patient at the VA Psych Ward for over 3 weeks now.  I had myself admitted after consuming one too many Ambiens.  Actually, I needed the break from my monotonous life in Ozone Park (the shit hole of Queens County).

My Social Worker, “Eric,” is a real fucking mensch.  He saved me from sinking into the abyss.  He has give me a new lease on life.  I am well-medicated (but not so much as to cause me to fall flat on my fucking face!) 

My lawyer, Charles, has called me (thank fucking God that I have such a kind Dego Mick lawyer as a friend…no, not “friend,” but “son.”) He has been there for me throughout this horrific chapter in my life.  I told him that while I’m here in the VA that I requested a sex change operation just so Charles can fuck me and have my child! (They said that they would comply with my wish to be a woman, but they need to find my cock first …yes, for the record, it is a small Jew cock but a well-worn one!)

Two days ago I was visited by Jamie Gillis and Ratso Sloman.  Just when i thought that my world had dried up, these two Jew faggots show up in the Psych Ward! I thought that the medicine was making me fucking delusional! I wanted to blow them on  the spot! I wanted to bend over and let them fuck me in the ass just so I could wake up and realize that their visit was real!

They tried to smuggle in some pastrami down their pants, but were told at the front desk that I was on a fucking strict diet of bland, boiled vegetables, tasteless boiled meat, and sugarless jello.  The shit that they serve me here would be spit out by a kosher Hasidic! It is worse than glatt food, worse than leftover cafeteria food at the homeless shelter! but at least Ratso and Jamie tried to get some ral food into my belly!

I am finished writing to you pathetic scumbags who have nothing better to do but read my blog! FUUUCK YOU!

Photos to follow…and gifts gladly accepted: Make checks out to AL GOLDSTEIN and send it to my Dego Mick lawyer, Charles DeStefano.

Sorry for the lapse in blogs. I have been going through some rough times.

Some good news for you though. The brilliant documentary about me called Porn King: The Trials of Al Goldstein is on Netflix. You can also search for it by searching for “Midnight Blue” for some dumb reason.

www.netflix.com
search “midnight blue”

Midnight Blue DVD Rental

As my minions, I order you to then give the film a five star review on the Netflix site after you watch it. Or don’t rent it and give it a great review anyway. Either way I don’t care.

This film will give you 80 minutes of me at my best and will hold you over until I unleash my next booble-barage of blogs.

Until then.

FUCK YOU!

Kisses,

Al

Here I am sitting in a fucking senior citizen center in Ozone Fucking Park, Queens. I am like a pachyderm, returning to his place of birth to die in the sun on a lonely savanna. Ozone Park is like my old neighborhood and it sucks dick! I can’t believe that I went from Park Avenue townhouse to a one bedroom shit hole in Ozone Park… I am so close to JFK airport that I can see the passengers on 747’s as they whiz by!

Any way, I was jerking off the other day thinking about my Linda Lovelace blowjob.

Her husband was her manager and he was happy (a happy cuckold?) to bring Linda in to suck my skinny Jew cock in order to get some publicity. In those days, pornos were of homemade quality usually and the popularity of Linda’s film “Deep Throat” was an amazing feat! It spread like wildfire, by word of mouth, and became an overnight mainstream phenomenon.

So, Linda arrived at my Manhattan office one bright afternoon as I wolfed down a pastrami sandwich (fatty pastrami, please. “Oh, Al! I love your mag and I just stopped by to thank you for all of the great publicity you have given me!” She was nothing special to look at. An ordinary soccer Mom. Like a Sarah Palin but not as hot!

I wiped my chin of the oozing mustard and pastrami and welcomed Linda and her cuckold husband to my domain. She instantly began to rub my tiny Jew snake over my pants and made my weenie wiggle! Within seconds she unzipped my pants, pulled them down to my ankles, tore off my stinky bloomers, and used her famous lips to consume my cock in one easy gulp.

To be honest with you, it was a quick one! Imagine getting blown by the Monica Lewinsky of her time! (I say that only because of the Watergate-era phrase “Deep Throat” which was coined after her then popular porn film!) I blew a load in seconds! It was such power to be blown by Linda Lovelace that I just could not hold it in! I had my staff photographers take a few shots AFTER I blew my load because it happened so fast ! I had no time to get LIVE shots!

Let me tell you scumbags something - that blowjob was about 40 years ago .. Linda is dead (did she die of AIDS?) and I have no fucking teeth and right now I am slurping some soft food through a straw in this Senior Citizens center. My point is that you need to cut through the bullshit and enjoy life NOW! It is NOW scumbags! Don’t repeat my mistakes . . choosing the wrong people to marry… getting ripped off by cunts… Open your fucking eyes and enjoy the simple things and don’t get caught up in the glitter. One day the glitter will turn to shit!

Love you all !

Al

I have eaten 7000 pussies in my lifetime. As publisher of SCREW, tahe availabiltiy of fresh (and rancid) pussy was like Chinese takeout. After a while, it all tastes the same.

With Linnea Quigley (see photos below) I gave up eating her pussy. I was bored with her labia, mons veneris, flappy lips, clitoris(es), wet gooey juicy pussy. I started eating her ssshole because it was new to me. Like a new flavor at Baskin Robbins. (I always need to compare my life to food - I am skinny on the outside, but on theinside I’m still a fat hungry Jew).

Her ass tasted like copper pennies. Don’t knwo why, but it was a clean taste, a unique delicate taste.

Are there any old Jewish cunts out there who would like me to savor their ani (that’s plural of “anus” for your fucking morons!) I heard that Brighton Beach is replete with available Russian Jews who love sex . . .It was the only thing that they could get for free and in the privacy of their homes during the Soviet days. If any of you cocksuckers hook me up with a hot Russian babe, I will blow you in Macy’s window on a Tuesday afternoon.

Lastly, I am back on my feet and feeling much better now that I have been to the VA to see my shrink. He keeps me balanced with the right drugs and I feel better.

I am suing my fucking dentist who ripped me off and took thousands from me without providing me with the right teeth. He promised me the world and all I wound up with is a cheap set of choppers (straight out a gag shop . . the ones you wind up and they clack-clack- clack).

Until the next blog

FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK yOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

ps - My brilliant attorney, Charles, always fucking with me and playing jokes left this voice mail of me on my machine . . It is of me - he wanted me to hear how fucking insane I sound when I leave him messages!

ALAL%20GOLDSTEIN%2011.wav

One last thing before i sign off -

I am selling every piece of shit that I possess in order to be able to go to Nathan’s in Coney Island and eat a fucking tube steak once in a while.

I have my original hand carved wood king’s chair that was once the throne of power upon which Your Truly sat in (and farted into) for my reign at SCREW. Countless letters, photographs, dildos, books, dirty semen-stained underwear, and lots of other goodies for you scumbags!

Write to me at alvingoldstein@gmail.com and I will give you details (e.g., for fresh stained underwear it’s a buck fifty extra…signed is an additional two bucks).

By the way, I have attached a photo of my last douchebag cunt Gypsy bitch wifewho robbed me of my last penny. That fat fuck hedgehog next to us is Ron Jeremy (whose dick is bigger than his brain! A fucking asshole who lost his affection for me after I hit rock bottom and homeless - - -Ron, you scumbag! FUCCCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUU!

Fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Al

Two days ago, I thought I had a heart attack. I was taken to Jamaica Hospital (a cesspool that would shame a mange-ridden street rat if it were taken there). The doctors are actually professional and seem to have received their medical degrees from accredited schools, but the fucking place is a Dickensian nightmare. Old whores with sores, toothless crack heads in urine-soaked pants . . .people just like me!

They checked me out and discharged me. It seems as though I am suffering from an aversion to loneliness. I haven’t gotten laid in over three years. I am broke. My cock sucking son stole from me and has abandoned me once again. My cunt wives took what they could grab (all 5 of them, especially the last Gypsy cunt who picked the flesh off me like a ravenous vulture). I am on 15 different medications, all of which cause me to be delusional, nauseous, and suicidal. I am too much of a wimp to kill myself. I am just waiting to die.

My lawyer, Charles, called me dozens of times upon my return from the Snake Pit. He thought I bit the dust. If it weren’t for him, I would just evaporate. He cares about me and has resuscitated my life on a number of occasions. He gave me the number to get Food Stamps. He also told me that I should qualify for Section 8 housing (that’s what they offer to those people in this country who are living just above the same standard of a Calcutta Untouchable)

Sometimes I jerk off and think about my days at Plato’s - the days when Hugh Hefner had me in his Rolodex…and the nights when Garrett Morris of Saturday Night Live would pop in and stick his shvontz into 5-10 pussies a night - and that was BEFORE Viagra!)

One time Garrett took me to see Belushi. He was holed up in the Chelsea Hotel. He wouldn’t leave until he ran out of that magic white powder was reduced to residue on a mirror. Personally, coke was not for me. Food was my drug. Pussy was my after-dinner drink.

Anyway, Belushi looked up at me:” Hey, Fuckin’ Al, you fat fuck, let me fuck you in the ass! Hahhahahaha! Sit down and join me!” I had to comply (he was Belushi! a fucking charismatic, fat fuck just like me!) so I took a snort. As it sprayed into my nose, it backfired and I sneezed ! The entire mound of coke covered Belushi’s pants, shirt, hands! He yelled “Al you fucking shmuck!” and then proceeded to snort the coke off his shirtsleeves, his hands, wiped it off his face and snorted it off his fingers! It was like a kid who dropped an ice cream on the street and ate it off the pavement!

I have attached a photo of me and Garrett Morris - - what a cock that guy had! Those were the good old days!

By the way, if anyone wants to rent out an old toothless Jew who has years of experience eating pussy and insulting jerkoffs, I am available for bachelor parties and bar mitzvahs. For $200 plus taxi ride, I will ROAST the groom (or the little schmekel whose father pays $500,000 for the biggest party of his life!)

Fu-c-c-c-c-c-c-k Yo-u-u-u-u-u-uu-u-u!!!!!

AL GOLDSTEIN