Get me some fucking pastrami…pl-e-a-a-a-s-e!
Those who know me know that my drug is FOOD. Fuck cocaine. Fuck heroin. Fuck Chateau Lafite Rothschild. Fuck nicotine. I need fucking food. After food, comes pussy. But first and foremost, foods satisfies that savage, primeaval urge that haunts me.
The fucking food in the insane asylum is fit for the scumbags at Guantanamo. The VA hospital is a federal hospital - I guess after those fucking scumbag terrorists shit out their food it gets transported up here for re-use.Â
I need a fucking hot fatty pastrami from Katz’s!!! My suave lawyer from Staten Island, Charles Destefano, was smart enough to smuggle one up to me in the other hospital. This fucking place is like Leavenworth! If you pass a breath mint you are in the clinker! contraband!!!
For those of you fucking jerkoffs who can’t believe that I am writing a blog from a psycho ward, I will reveal to you how it is done. I write my ideas on fucking toilet paper, like Albert Speer the Nazi architect in Spandau Prison. Charles, my fucking brilliant guinea dego wop (half irish) lawyer takes them out of right under the nose of the burly guards. He then transcribes, verbatim, my words onto this blog. Unedited. word for fucking word. (including typos, etc. )
Did any of you scumbags read my last blog? Did anyone find Linnea?  I need to eat her pussy in order to make a speedy recovery. It’s part of my regimen to become stable, better than fucking thorazine1 Help me with that, will you?
Also, I need a fucking job. I had applied for a job at Pizza Hut, Walgreens, B & N (they wouldn’t hire me because I beat the rap against them for shoplifting ) Do any of you have a Peep Show where I can mop the sticky cum off the floors? I will work for less than minimum wage plus a handjob.Â
I will be out of here soon (so they say). I am in the process of finding an apartment. The last thing I will ask you is if you know of any decent apartments, preferably near stores and old Jew bitches pushing shopping carts (I would eat an 80 year old Jew cunt at this point!), please let my lawyer know.
OK, it’s medication time. They are playing that same fucking 45 record on the turntable just like in Cuckoo’s Nest!
Until nest time…FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
Al Goldstein
Tags: News from the Snake pit
January 10th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Al, sorry to hear you’re in the Nut House; but happy you’re still alive and kvetching. I’m in Hollywood, Fla., on my way to Key West for some fishing and fun. I’ll think of you as I haul in a tiger shark…or fress on a conch fritter. Back in Calif. for springtime…and then again to NYC for visits with my expanding family. New babies born every year; and Jordana has another little girl - LILA DREW who just got her first tooth; so I can feed her a Big Mac when I see her. We all wish you the best; and of course HAPPY BIRTHDAY…love, Marcia
January 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
If anybody knows Linnea see if she is willing to pay a visit to Al disguised as a nurse.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
This is the worst blog ever yo are sounding like a demented dick in the throes of death. Come on Al get your fu@$kin Jew ass together.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:21 am
Happy Birthday…couple hrs late.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Wow 2 posts within a week. This is a fantastic new development. Al I know 3 young girls who just got out of college that would love to have you as a roommate. Maybe you could also ask your old neighbor Bill Cosby if you can have a room at his townhouse. I think all of your many fans should contribute 25% of our meager salaries and give them to you. Also I am sure a lot of us have used Porn that we can contribute to your needy case fund.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I got yer pastrami right here, Al. Hangin’ low.
What the hell happened to your apartment?
January 15th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Hey Goldstein,
I thing it is one fucking shame what has been going on with you. I hope you are getting better (in the clinical sense). I have been following your situation and regret that I have not reached out to help you out in whatever way I am able. I don’t have your lawyer’s number, maybe you should post it, ya fuckin’ numbnuts! I’ll do whatever I can to help. In case you forgot, I was with Screw from ‘72-’76. We were never real close, but I always got a kick out of you and your columns; IMO you set the standard for every wannabe (flynt, limbaugh, grant, etc) to follow. I’ll try and call the VA in Brooklyn to see if you are still there.
January 16th, 2009 at 4:12 am
Al, I still don’t understand why they don’t let you live out your golden years here out west. Guiliani ruined New York for the pornish. You are a sleaze legend. The Big Apple is for the Woodie Allens of the world who have to marry their naive step daughters to get laid.
Ask the courts to let you move out west to the porno land of fruits and nuts. You could be a mascot for bukkake shoots, hold money shot lights for facial target girls. An Al out of porn is like a fish out of water. It’s an injustice I tell you. Where’s the elderly respect?
Come here and make a living as a porn dinosaur from the past. Before the global warming polar shift sets in and we all burn to death, resettle in LA’s porn valley and be the Al we all know and love. Don’t adult aged get their last wish—to die in porn, not in vain?
January 20th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Obama becomes our present today.We are all saved Al. Come on out Al this new world will welcome you!!
January 20th, 2009 at 10:23 am
Hey Al,
You don’t know me but we have a (Late) friend in common,Homosexual Anarchist Jack Nichols. I’m the goy he used to do summersaults over in his screeds back in the early 90s. It’s a fuckin’ shame you’re stuck in the bin. A travesty of fate. Don’t feel bad about your lack of work, we’re all gonna be in the debtors’ gulag soon enough. How many of your kike mensches lost bucks to Madoff- That should make ya feel good y’old prick. Nothing like a little Schadenfreude to lift the spirits. Maybe Bernie will welcome you into his penthouse and you can blow him and spit shine his ankle bracelet.
You get outta there and start up something new so I can work for ya and be underpaid and treated poorly like all your old employees used to whine about.
Lotsa Love-
David Scott Evans
February 4th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
hey Al
this is Robert - your OLD WEBMASTER - how are you my friend - please get in touch with me- I want to take you to dinner - you took me to MANY Dinners back in the day… now it’s my turn to treat you
let me know ASAP - Robert