I’m back ! (sort of…)
To all of you fucking assholes who thought I was dead: ‘F-U-U-U-C-K YOU!” It’s me, live in the flesh (albeit less flesh on my former svelt frame). What happend was I have been a patient at the VA Psych Ward for over 3 weeks now. I had myself admitted after consuming one too many Ambiens. Actually, I needed the break from my monotonous life in Ozone Park (the shit hole of Queens County).
My Social Worker, “Eric,” is a real fucking mensch. He saved me from sinking into the abyss. He has give me a new lease on life. I am well-medicated (but not so much as to cause me to fall flat on my fucking face!)Â
My lawyer, Charles, has called me (thank fucking God that I have such a kind Dego Mick lawyer as a friend…no, not “friend,” but “son.”) He has been there for me throughout this horrific chapter in my life. I told him that while I’m here in the VA that I requested a sex change operation just so Charles can fuck me and have my child! (They said that they would comply with my wish to be a woman, but they need to find my cock first …yes, for the record, it is a small Jew cock but a well-worn one!)
Two days ago I was visited by Jamie Gillis and Ratso Sloman. Just when i thought that my world had dried up, these two Jew faggots show up in the Psych Ward! I thought that the medicine was making me fucking delusional! I wanted to blow them on the spot! I wanted to bend over and let them fuck me in the ass just so I could wake up and realize that their visit was real!
They tried to smuggle in some pastrami down their pants, but were told at the front desk that I was on a fucking strict diet of bland, boiled vegetables, tasteless boiled meat, and sugarless jello. The shit that they serve me here would be spit out by a kosher Hasidic! It is worse than glatt food, worse than leftover cafeteria food at the homeless shelter! but at least Ratso and Jamie tried to get some ral food into my belly!
I am finished writing to you pathetic scumbags who have nothing better to do but read my blog! FUUUCK YOU!
Photos to follow…and gifts gladly accepted: Make checks out to AL GOLDSTEIN and send it to my Dego Mick lawyer, Charles DeStefano.
November 26th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Hi Al,
Glad your back we missed you! Quick heads up on medication, have you ever taken the anti-depressant Effexor XR before? That is what my doctor prescribed for me. I have been taking it for almost two weeks now, it’s an alright drug, the only problem with it, is that you lose all interest in masturbation. If they put it on your medicine tray, believe me, don’t swallow! Keep up the good work.
November 26th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Glad to see you back Al & to hear you are finally on that road to recovery! We all missed hearing from you & your blogs & I hope your sex change operation is a success & that your “child” with Charles will be as ugly as that other old crotchety jew from Midnight Blue, Steve Gruberg!! Happy Holidays & FUUUCK you too!!
November 27th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
have a happy thanksgiving.
November 27th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Fantastic Al
welcome back
November 28th, 2008 at 4:38 am
The Legend Returns!
All hail Al Goldstein! - His small dick is matched only by his bank account!
Al, tell us what you think of the election results?
November 28th, 2008 at 4:48 am
Al,
Thanks for the update. I look up to you and am always interested in what you’re doing, even if you’re eating shitty food in a nut house.
I’ve just got back from a month in Cabo San Jose. The whorehouses are as hot as ever and I didn’t come home with any mystery rashes this time. Mexican whores are cheap and seem more grateful than American whores.
Do you know if your food is spiked with salt peter? Have you been able to maintain an erection and jerk off to orgasm with all these drugs in your body? One time I tried masturbating hopped up on 2 Oxycontin, 4 hits of acid and a couple of beers. It took some effort but I was able to squeeze one off.
Take care of yourself Al and keep the looney faggots away from your sweet, blessed cornhole.
Mitch Haase
November 29th, 2008 at 2:25 am
Ya know, Al, I’ve been hospitalized a couple of times myself. I always found it very relaxing. They bring you food, you can sleep alot. Look out the window, do the crosswords. People visit. I think I want to permanently live in a hospital.
November 29th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Hey Al,
Did you have to wear a diaper because you were shittin’ yerself?
November 30th, 2008 at 2:22 am
Al,
I know you are computer illiterate, but could u possibly change the settings of your blog back so we don’t have to log-in everytime we want to write something?
What a pain in the ass.
December 2nd, 2008 at 12:02 am
Al, if you haven’t learned to stay off toxic drugs yet, you must like being high to prepare for your end days. I don’t know why Booble hosts your blog with only a post every three months. If you’d connect more with your fans it would give you a reason to live beyond the meds. This web blog is good exercise for porn hasbeen neurosis. Happy Holidays!
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Al, great post and nice to see your old friends visiting you. What are u doing in Ozone Park when u could be in Florida working at Ben’s Deli in Boca Raton. There are lots of lonely Kosher ladies who would love to have such a refined man of culture as their companion. Would be great if you could post every week on the blog. Seems like your readership is diminished by your lack of posting. You had a large fan base their for a while. What r u doing for the Holidays now that the Sharper Image no longer exists?
December 4th, 2008 at 6:40 am
AL i have proof of snuff films. where do i submitt my evidence?
December 5th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I would LOVE to have an autographed copy of your old book “my screwed life”
tell me how!
December 5th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Hee is review http://www.mipco.com/win/GEr184.html in Russian of your book
I, Goldstein. My Screwed Life
December 6th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Al
As per your request the last time we talked, I tried to call you once a week, but all I get is a fast busy. Alas, that line must be disconnected.
Nikki sends her love
Let me know when you would like me to cash miles to fly you out here.
auld lang sighs
David
December 8th, 2008 at 5:44 am
pathetic scumbag asks: “where is RSS subscription?”
December 8th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Al Welcome back. I spent a week on the 17 floor about a year ago. I was glad to get out. We miss you at our friday group meeting at the V A. We love ya al.blessed be!!
December 9th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
So many yiddish words. I hope your not becoming more religious as well. Wouldnt want you turning into a Religious fuck on your deathbed.
December 10th, 2008 at 4:41 am
“I am finished writing to you pathetic scumbags who have nothing better to do but read my blog! FUUUCK YOU!”
So I guess this is it.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Goldstein, glad to see you’re still alive and kvetching. Why do you still need a lawyer? You have no money for anyone to take, and no one would bother suing you at this point. I’m in Florida, Hollywood…and watching the skinny French Canadian women shake their booties at the bandstand on Johnson street dancing and doing the Can-Can….there’s one place on the Boardwalk that has fresh Maine lobster; I’ll think of you as I suck out a claw. Going on to Key West for lots of fishing, and will think of you again; and our trip to Bimini…Happy New Year…