Linda Lovelace
Here I am sitting in a fucking senior citizen center in Ozone Fucking Park, Queens. I am like a pachyderm, returning to his place of birth to die in the sun on a lonely savanna. Ozone Park is like my old neighborhood and it sucks dick! I can’t believe that I went from Park Avenue townhouse to a one bedroom shit hole in Ozone Park… I am so close to JFK airport that I can see the passengers on 747’s as they whiz by!
Any way, I was jerking off the other day thinking about my Linda Lovelace blowjob.
Her husband was her manager and he was happy (a happy cuckold?) to bring Linda in to suck my skinny Jew cock in order to get some publicity. In those days, pornos were of homemade quality usually and the popularity of Linda’s film “Deep Throat” was an amazing feat! It spread like wildfire, by word of mouth, and became an overnight mainstream phenomenon.
So, Linda arrived at my Manhattan office one bright afternoon as I wolfed down a pastrami sandwich (fatty pastrami, please. “Oh, Al! I love your mag and I just stopped by to thank you for all of the great publicity you have given me!” She was nothing special to look at. An ordinary soccer Mom. Like a Sarah Palin but not as hot!
I wiped my chin of the oozing mustard and pastrami and welcomed Linda and her cuckold husband to my domain. She instantly began to rub my tiny Jew snake over my pants and made my weenie wiggle! Within seconds she unzipped my pants, pulled them down to my ankles, tore off my stinky bloomers, and used her famous lips to consume my cock in one easy gulp.
To be honest with you, it was a quick one! Imagine getting blown by the Monica Lewinsky of her time! (I say that only because of the Watergate-era phrase “Deep Throat” which was coined after her then popular porn film!) I blew a load in seconds! It was such power to be blown by Linda Lovelace that I just could not hold it in! I had my staff photographers take a few shots AFTER I blew my load because it happened so fast ! I had no time to get LIVE shots!
Let me tell you scumbags something - that blowjob was about 40 years ago .. Linda is dead (did she die of AIDS?) and I have no fucking teeth and right now I am slurping some soft food through a straw in this Senior Citizens center. My point is that you need to cut through the bullshit and enjoy life NOW! It is NOW scumbags! Don’t repeat my mistakes . . choosing the wrong people to marry… getting ripped off by cunts… Open your fucking eyes and enjoy the simple things and don’t get caught up in the glitter. One day the glitter will turn to shit!
Love you all !
Al
October 10th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Hey Al, Jack Kerouac was from Ozone Park. He wrote “On The Road” from his mother’s apartment overlooking Woodhaven Boulevard.
October 10th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Al,
Nice to see you are still alive, though unfortunately withering away in a some sub-par senior center in Queens. At least you’ve got some great pussy (or perhaps some dick) stories to tell the other old riff-raffs at that home. I’m sure there are plenty of “Old Jew Cunts” there for the picking! Hopefully you have also met some fans who perhaps bought screw magazine or at least jerked off to Midnight Blue in their younger years as I have. As for Linda Lovelace, I think a blowjob from Robin Byrd would have been more memorable 40 years ago than a half attractive soccer mom. Sarah Palin would have made you an even bigger legend!! Look forward to your next blog Al & may I recommend the sugar free banana pudding at your next dining outing there at the center?
P.S. I have the 555-KVETCH Midnight Blue skit on my cell phone & watch it when ever I need a quick laugh! I never get tired of seeing it!
Louis From The Bronx!
October 11th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Linda Lovelace didn’t die of AIDS. She died in a car accident.
October 11th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I have a Jewish wife who looks like Linda Lovelace and has the same oral appetite. You’re right about smelling the roses, Al. Glory comes and goes. Good food, fun and orgasms are forever.
October 12th, 2008 at 2:15 am
I’m glad to learn that Al is still alive and kicking, but why the change in format?
October 13th, 2008 at 12:12 am
welcome back sir!!!
you had me worried there for a minute:-)
October 14th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Al, you poor bastard. Ozone Park is for conservative Queens assholes, not Al Goldstein. I can’t imagine what pleasures besides masturbation you have left. Can you still suck a cigar?
October 27th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Hey gang. He must be dead.
October 27th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Now, why would a fat Al have a skinny Jew cock? I think Booble is using a ghostwriter to fill in.
If Al’s pen is limp, what they should do is hire some other old school smut hasbeen who can write.
With a post a month, how does anybody make anything from this site? I mean, what’s the point?
October 28th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I think Al is just the kind of kick in the ass some of the people in Ozone Park need. I lived there several years ago and while it had its charms, it is seriously lacking in the kind of social atmosphere Al would like. I hope you’re getting some hot Filipino nurse to give you blowjobs every day, Al.
Jack Kerouac didn’t write ‘On The Road’ in Ozone Park, he wrote his first novel, ‘The Town and The City’ there.