NEW STRAIGHT JACKET & 1000 VOLTS OF EXCITEMENT!
I am now living in the fucking Hanoi Hilton in Brooklyn. The 13th Floor of the VA with a view of the fucking Verrazano Bridge. Imagine that! I used to be able to walk out of my Upper East Side townhouse next to Bill Fucking Cosby, stroll to the nearest 5 Star restaurant to gorge my bloated body with 8 course meals and fine wines… Now I am eating pablum, foods soft on the palate, foods for the toothless, tasteless slop seasoned with the essence of anus.
To all of your mindless, disease-ridden, pricks who are happy that I’m here, FUCCCCCK YOUU! Because you probably still jerk off in your mother’s house to “3-For-A-Dollar” cunt magazines (sticky from prior use!) while your mother scrubs the shit stains out your underwear!
My lawyer, Charles, visits me once in a while - he is one handsome Guinea Dego Greaseball Lawyer! I wish that he would just bend over and let me fuck him in the ass, just once! He brings me the NY Times (they don’t sell it in Brooklyn…can you fucking imagine how stupid people are here!). He brings me news from the outside world, beyond the 5 foot concrete wwalls of the Psych Ward.Â
I asked him if he would reach out to Linnea Quigley…I crave eating her delicious cunt! I seriously would eat a mile of her shit just to get to her asshole! Does anyone know where she is? If you do, ask her if she would be interested in having me pay her rent for a room (up to $500) and I would clean her bidet every day - I woudl lick it clean with my tongue every morning after her daily douche. Seriously! Find her and tell her that I have the money to pay her rent and I would live with her in Florida until she gets sick of me. She remembers how I ate her pussy and I am sure that I will tickle that part of her brain, the peedunkle of passion, to evoke a positive Pavlovian response!
I am going to be looking for a room to rent - nothing fancy, nothing too large. Just enough for me and my computer, my HDTV, my magazines to jerk off over. (I still don’t know how to find free porn - imagine that! I was the Henry Ford of fucking porn and I can’t find a free website to wank my shvantz!)
How would one of you degenerates like to have me, Al Goldstein, as your “house boy?” You can walk me around your neighborhood with a dog leash and I will keep you amused. If so, please reach out to my lawyer, Charles DeStefano. I would prefer being in a neighborhood with old fraus (e.g., Brighton Beach with old jewish cunts) but it would be a step up from that shit hole in Ozone Park. I would play mah jong all day and eat their decrepit cunts after we grow tired of flipping over the mah jong pieces.Â
If you want to visit me in the Psych Ward, feel free to do so by opening your apartment window, stick your fucking ass out the window and then scream ” I wanted George Bush for President for 4 more years! Change the fucking Constitution!” or perhaps smear feces all over your face, walk into your local police precinct and ask the desk sargeant for a blow job! Be creative! and hopefully I will see you here soon!
LOVE you fucking pricks!
FUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK YOUOOOOOOO!
AL
January 6th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
My favorite method for visiting friends in the loony bin is to go to my local police station, shit on the floor and then use it as lube, while I do some hardcore masturbating right then and there, fulfilling everybody’s perverted fantasies.
I also enjoy the occasional shit sandwich.
P.S. Al, you should check out youporn.com, redtube.com and pornhub.com it’s every dirty old jews dream, free porn.
January 6th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Al,
I’m sorry that you’re going through all this crap and hope that things get better for you quickly. I was set to go visit you at the VA on 23rd St, but didn’t get a phone call from Ratso for me to join them, so it didn’t happen. Been fighting my own health issues but seem to be doing ok. Tried calling you on the phone #s I had for you but they’re no good. You can, if you’d like, email me at sgruberg@ix.netcom.com or leave me a message at 212-242-3660 and I’ll get back to you and get you my cell #. Leaving my cell # here just doesn’t seem like a great idea.
hang in there.
steve
January 6th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Al,
DO SOMETHING. They don’t post our comments anymore. It’s killed your community of scumbags!!!
January 7th, 2009 at 2:03 am
The way this country treats a legend like
you Al is straight bushshit!
If I ever hit the millions, your the first one on my list friend~
sincerely,
Eric Montoya.
January 7th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Al, now that’s your voice. Nice to see you’re still around. Nut houses are way better than the street. What with the global warming, a greater depression and far worse 21st century calamities to come, anyone over the age of 70 who has already lived life is lucky that they are close to the end. For those of who us who are younger, we have too much life left to spend in the doomed hell on earth future. So let’s all jump in a time machine so that we can return to the past and orgy at Platos.
January 7th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
i have a few free sites for you al http://www.youporn.com and http://www.xhamster.com
happy jerking
January 7th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
al i have to free sites for you youporn .com and xhamster .com
happy jerking
January 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Finding free porn isn’t a problem… finding *good* free porn is.
January 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Al, have you made your funeral plans yet? It seems you’re using the Federal Government’s VA facilities quite alot lately. I assume you’re doing this to save gelt. I do hope you’re getting better. Please tell the concerned readers just what ailment is keeping you in the hospital s-o-o-o long. Is it your well-documented case of sleep apnea? In any event, there are nice burial plots available for veterans in Long Island. The National Cemetery at Pinelawn is now filled-up. If you want to be buried in a national cemetery, you’re going to have to go way out to Calverton on the North Fork. It’s very peaceful there. I do not recommend being interred in private Jewish cemeteries because there have been well-publicized stories of failure to maintain the grave sites. Many of these yiddishe Friedhofen are overrun with weeds and kids come in and piss on the headstones. Best Wishes for a gesunte 2009. GeorgetheAtheist
January 9th, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Al deserves a monument not just a gravestone when he passes. Perhaps a Giant FU Finger done in Marble. I hope all his fans will come to visit once a year and toss Pastrami on Al’s grave. Al you should apply for a job at Lansky’s the new upscale Jewish Deli on the Upper West Side. You would bring some extra class to that joint.
January 10th, 2009 at 11:09 am
You should be cremated and I will scatter your ashes over the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, and 10 Deli’s of your choice. Not to mention saving some of your ashes to wear in a locket around my neck…Outlive all of us….go out screaming and kvetching….and make sure your dick is exposed when they take your body out on a guerney…so the old farts watching this scene will have heart attacks too. Happy Birthday….love, Marcia